oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
