Ketchup is God's man juice
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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