i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
