Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
