Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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