i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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