I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
