Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
