so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
