she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
