Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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