your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
