he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
