If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
