So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
