Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
