she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm passing your future prison.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
