discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
