Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
