I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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