plz talk dirty to me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
