My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
