My liver just broke up with me...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
