why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
