Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
