Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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