He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
