Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
