Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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