AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
