So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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