I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the gays at disneyland are vicious
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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