just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
