Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
