i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
