it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
