dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
