Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
