Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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