you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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