um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
