I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
