My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
