Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
