I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
