There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
