I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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