He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
