She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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