I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
