mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
