I am puke
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
